The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle, interact with each other and with the actions they produce so as to form seven different kinds of swingers love pleasure experiences (nonlove is not represented). The size of the triangle functions to represent the “amount” of swingers love—the bigger the triangle, the greater the swingers love. Each corner has its own type of love and provides different combinations to create different types of love and labels for them. The shape of the triangle functions to represent the “style” of love, which may vary over the course of the relationship:
- Non love The absence of any of the three types of love. No connection. Indifferent to the relationship. Such a relationships swinger experience to couples and singles at swingers parties in whom he isn’t interested.
- Liking/friendship, friends with benefits This type of love is intimacy without passion or commitment. This includes friendships and acquaintances. Such a relationship swingers can experience when she feels sexual only desire without deepest attractiveness and involvement.
- Infatuated love/sex: Infatuated love is passion without intimacy or commitment. This is considered “puppy love” or relationships that have not become serious yet. Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops over time. Without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly. Very common kind of relationships at swingers parties.
- Empty love/sex to hide pain is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the spouses’ relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form, indicating “how empty love need not be the terminal state of a long-term relationship…[but] the beginning rather than the end”. Such a swingers sex on some occasions can be healing and transforming.
- Romantic love/romantic sex This love is passionate and intimate but has no commitment. This could be considered a romantic affair or could be a one-night stand. The greatest swingers relationships. Some old-school swingers anyway avoid such a relationship because of fear of jealousy.
- Companionate love/sex is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. “This type of love is observed in long-term marriages where passion is no longer present” but where a deep affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between swingers rings members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between close friends who have a platonic but strong friendship.
- Fatuous love/sex can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage—it has points of passion and commitment but no intimacy. An example of this is “love at first sight”. Such relationships, of course, happens between sustainable swingers coupe who is usually married or plan to marry.
- Consummate/sex love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship which people strive towards. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple”. We in the swinging community fully agree with dr. Sternberg. According to Sternberg, these swinging couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they cannot imagine themselves happier over the long-term (but short-term – definitely and that’s great!) with anyone else, they overcome their few difficulties gracefully, and each delight in the swinging relationship with one other. However, Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate swingers love and sex may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. “Without expression,” he warns, “even the greatest of loves can die.” Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love. Consummate love is the most satisfying kind of adult swingers relationship because it combines all pieces of the triangle into this one type of love. It is the ideal kind of relationship. These kinds of swingers relationships can be found over long periods of time or idealistic relationships found in movies.
Sternberg’s triangular theory of love and sex provides a strong foundation for his later theory of love, entitled Love as a Story. In this theory, he explains that the large numbers of unique and different love stories convey different ways of how love is understood. He believes, over time, this exposure helps a swingers person determine what love and sex are or what it should be to them. These two theories create Sternberg’s duplex theory of love.
“Swingers relationships that have the greatest longevity and satisfaction are those in which swingers are constantly working on sustaining intimacy and reinforcing commitment to each other.”